The DonnaBlog

During my lunchtime keynote at the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta a couple of years ago I acknowledged that I was busier than I ever imagined. I was involved in several efforts that were very important to me and that I felt had significant value. It was a pleasure to work with committed, dedicated, amazing people. Still, how did I get so busy? I half-joked that part of it was because I have difficulty saying “no”. More realistically, though, I admitted that this nagging internal voice that I have come to call my “social consciousness” had become a huge pain in the ass. (A friend had my statement printed on a coffee cup, and brought me one during a visit to Virginia earlier this year).

I never intended to become involved, and certainly never imagined ever, under any circumstance, becoming an “activist”. My life-before-Donna was a pretty insulated life, and as a professional white man in this culture I really hadn’t ever experienced discrimination or prejudice before.

During my transition I saw friends choose to pull away. I saw my 16-year marriage to a woman that I continued to love crumble. For the first time in my adult life I felt vulnerable in my career, unsure, unprepared. Those are not feelings that came easily to me. The depressing reality that life really isn’t fair truly started to sink in big-time, and the only question at hand was what I planned to do about it. That’s when this nagging feeling started to grow, a voice inside me that embodied the spirit of the words in the Serenity Prayer. What was it? It was a social consiouness, and it guides me to this day.

Each of us can do something. Today’s “Day of Silence” is a case in point. In a world where so many people are feeling victimized, disempowered, trivial – the fact of the matter is that it starts with a phone call, or donating some money, or sending an email.  An activist is simply someone who is moved to act.  I like to believe most of us fall into that category.

I found an email that someone who describes himself as simply “a gay white male” sent to the HRC Board today, and shared on his blog (read it here). It’s about ENDA and the aftermath. It’s brilliant.  I only hope that the HRC spin-meisters don’t take it, twist it, diminish it, or otherwise disrespect it.  Still, does anyone reading this truly believe that my former peers on the HRC Board will ever see it?  I don’t.

There has already been so much said on this I almost feeling guilty for writing this.  However, the wonder of this is in it’s simplicity and in a message that transcends letters of the GLBT soup.  This person probably doesn’t know anything about transgender lives, or transgender challenges, but that doesn’t diminish the power of his words.  He doesn’t come across as angry or having any particular agenda.  His words aren’t about political expediency – they’re about fairness, and integrity.  He says:

I’m disappointed by the way the HRC Board has handled the dilemma of the 2007 Employment Non-Discrimination Act. The Board has damaged HRC’s integrity making me hesitant to verbally or financially support HRC anymore. Even within the walls at the Human Rights Campaign, there are many well-intentioned but angry volunteers today who cannot publicly speak out against their own organization.

Amen.  He concludes:

I sincerely hope that HRC’s Board looks hard at themselves to ask, “Who’s at our table? Who isn’t at our table?” and uses the upcoming Pride season to make a sober, substantive apology to the Transgender folks–and their allies like me–who feel our money is better invested elsewhere. I want to give the Human Rights Campaign a second chance.

This email isn’t about “us” vs “them”.  It’s about community.  It’s about decency.  It’s about credibility.  It’s a simple yet heartfelt plea to begin the process of healing wounds from last autumn that continue to seep, and continue to go untreated.  I want to give them a second chance, too.  That’s a non-issue until they recognize what they’ve caused.  I sometimes seriously wonder if we’re even on the same side anymore.  I truly have my doubts.

I don’t know who this man is, where he lives, what he does, or anything more than he shares here.  Still, share this man’s words with friends.  Echo them.  If you chose not to channel your energies toward or for HRC, find other more positive outlets.  The enderlying them here is – be active in your own way.

As much as a pain in the ass as mine can be sometimes, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  To lose it would be to lose a significant component of my humanity.  Thankfully, it’s not going anywhere.