The DonnaBlog

I’m calling this TNN weekend.

The weekend of the CNN documentary is finally here, and they’ve put transpeople all over the airwaves to support it.

Susan Stanton was on Larry King Live tonight:

There’s a big article about the documentary on their website (see it here).

Jamison Green appeared in an interview this afternoon.

I’m told that Diego Sanchez is going to be on The Situation Room.

I was interviewed, too, although I’ll admit that the thought provoking questions that the initial scheduler asked as part of the “intake” got lost in more simplistic and typical ones about what kind of toys I liked to play with and whether I feel “fully” like a woman. Anyway…..

I’ll have more to post about today but I’m tired and need to get to bed. I was up at 4 am and it’s after midnight here on the east coast. I’m in soggy, raw Harrisburg PA after a long long day.

One of the odder things is that the hotel where the conference is being held is full of wrestlers. I mean – FULL of them. Apparently the state championships are here this weekend so they’re in the hallways, in the lobby – everywhere. I can see how it could lead to a “situation”. We’ll see….

I’ve got a workshop to do in the morning. In the meantime – I’m planning to get as much rest as possible.

I half joked for a while that I didn’t know what I’d do with a job even if I had one.  My schedule kept me busy doing “stuff” pretty much all day and all week long.  Well, now I have a job and things have been very busy for me.  I get up before 6am, generally don’t get home until after 9, and find myself go-go-going.  I’ve actually been enjoying myself…

This weekend I start traveling again which adds new craziness into the mix.  I’m flying to Baltimore tomorrow and then off to Harrisburg PA for the Keystone Conference there on Saturday.  Then I do it all in reverse on Sunday – getting home at 10pm before starting the workweek again the next morning.

One recent addition to the schedule is that I’ll be detouring to CNN in Washington DC when I arrive tomorrow to do an interview with Don Lemon for his weekend show.  I expect that it will play just before the CNN Presents premiere of Her Name Was Steven on Saturday.

So, although things have been relatively calm lately the craziness begins again.  I’ll be up at 4 in the morning to catch my 7am flight.  When I arrive in Baltimore I’ll head to DC to do the interview.  When it’s done I’ll fight DC rush hour traffic to make the 150 mile drive to Harrisburg.  Saturday I’ve got a workshop to do, and I’ll be doing the dinner Keynote.  I’m sure it will all work itself out – it always does.

In other news I read a disturbing article in CNN about a high school in Mississippi that canceled their prom rather than allow a girl student there to bring another girl as her date:

JACKSON, Miss. — A Mississippi county school board announced Wednesday it would cancel its upcoming prom after a gay student petitioned to bring a same-sex date to the event.
“Due to the distractions to the educational process caused by recent events, the Itawamba County School District has decided to not host a prom at Itawamba Agricultural High School this year,” school board members said in a statement.

Constance McMillen, an 18-year-old senior at Itawamba, recently challenged a school policy prohibiting her from bringing her girlfriend as her date to the April 2 prom. McMillen, who is a lesbian, and the Mississippi chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union urged school officials to reverse the policy both on McMillen’s choice of date and attire. She also wanted to wear a tuxedo to the dance.

Read the full article here

That’s ridiculous.  And disturbing.

I was listening to a 911 call of a 10-year old who called to say that someone had broken into their house with guns and he says “Bring cops. Lots of them.  And bring soldiers too”.  (story here).  Now THAT was cool.  He acted like a responsible, mature adult in the face of horrific terror.  The school board that cancelled the prom acted like immature children. Go figure.

More surprise?  Here’s a headline that Cuba is financing “Sex Change Operations”.  So many want to believe that this country “leads”.  The reality is that – when it comes to this – not so much.  I was talking with someone in preparation for the CNN interview yesterday and she asked what grade I’d give our country for overall acceptance.  I gave us a “D” – a failing grade.  We’ve got a long way to go but thanks to those of us who refuse to back down when it comes to rights, dignity, and equality that others take for granted have no doubt that we will reach that place.  It’s just a matter of time.

Gotta go.  Another long day starts.  Work.  Lunch with a friend.  Wrestling.  I hope to get a run in at some point.  And my nails need to be done sooooo bad.  Then, home to pack to get ready for tomorrow.  Sigh.  I’m already on auto-pilot.

It’s been a long day – I got up early, worked all day, went to the gym, and finally got home at 9.  I’ll be headed to bed shortly to do it all again tomorrow.

Days pass quickly at work.  There’s lots to do and it keeps me engaged.  All are good things – I really have no complaints.

I do have something to say tonight, though.  It’s about the upcoming CNN documentary on Susan Stanton.  I’ve half-joked for a year now that this would never be broadcast – that it would run a circuit of LGBT Film Festivals and quietly disappear.  Apparently I was wrong as it will be broadcast twice this weekend, on Saturday and again on Sunday.  In a way, I wish I was right.

Reviews from some of the cities where the documentary aired are fairly interesting.  Here’s one from the Miami/Ft. Lauderdale LGBT Film Festival:

Her Name was Steven offers an unabashed look at Stanton, before, during and after her transition; with unprecedented access to family and former colleagues. This well-produced documentary is a thorough examination of Stanton’s very public battle to retain the job of City Manager while embarking on the change that had always been her dream. Though moved by Stanton’s journey and the resulting loss of friends, career crisis, and media circus, this probing documentary’s honest and unbiased eye also shows Stanton’s own hand in her undoing. Her apparent love of attention, which may be as much a cause of the difficulty in finding work as is transphobia, and Stanton’s own hurtful comments about other trans people made this likely poster-child somewhat of an outcast in her own community.  (see full review here)

Here’s another one:

If you think you know all about Susan née Steven Stanton, the Largo City Manager fired in 2007 after announcing that he was changing gender, think again. This CNN documentary not only recounts the now-familiar saga of his termination by the City Commission, it provides invaluable insight into Stanton’s life before and after that turning point. “It’s a little more complicated than I initially envisioned,” Stanton says early in the transition in what turns out to be a massive understatement. Adopted as a symbol by LGBT groups, she has difficulty identifying with them (and is at one point condemned as a traitor for not standing up more forcefully for transgender rights), and despair leads her at one point to thoughts of suicide. But more vividly than any other account, Dave Timko’s film conveys the journey that Stanton went through — from childhood fantasies to first forays into cross-dressing to the trauma of electrolysis and surgery. The film also spotlights a relatively unsung hero: Stanton’s teenaged son Travis, whose sweetly unforced acceptance of his father’s gender change is pretty damn cool. (full review here)

The reason I share them is that both refocus recognition that the real value in this kind of unprecedented, behind-the-scenes, look at a transition is in the story itself.  It’s not just about rights, or discrimination, or workplace legislation, or any number of the other things that ultimately became flashpoints regarding Susan and her views.  It’s about someone struggling with many of the same things people reading this blog can relate to and who made mistakes along the way – as we all do.

Susan has done an admirable job of being true to her words of a couple of years ago and disappearing.  She hasn’t said or done anything to reopen old wounds and, in fact, has truly wanted to move on with her life.  She has avoided press and has withdrawn to a point where many will say, “Who is Susan Stanton?”  Our memories can be short sometimes…

But here it is – just over 3 years since she was fired – and this documentary is airing.  CNN will line up people – including me – to talk about it and to talk about transgender in general.  I have no problem with any of that.  In fact, I’ve always hoped that the documentary could help further the discussion about our lives.  But my concern is that (a) people will want to reopen past wounds as though they were current wounds, (b) focus will shift from the bigger picture that this is one person’s story to one all about discrimination rights and (c) that people will line up to attack Susan again.  As far as I’m concerned – none of the above is productive.

I remember watching on TV the night she was fired.  I remember meeting her for lunch prior to her first day “out” as Susan at NCTE Lobby Day in 2007.

That seems like forever ago, and it’s probably not a coincidence that this show is airing on that same weekend – the weekend of the NCTE Lobby Day in DC – some 3 years later.

All I can say is that what’s done is done.  I was as hopeful as anyone at what Susan might have been able to do given the opportunity that she had been given.  I was as disappointed and as angry as anyone when it ultimately didn’t wok out that way.  And, I’ve come to understand that things unfolded just as they were meant to.  All that is in the past.

I’ve heard that there may be several trans “activists” – who? I don’t know – who may be preparing to trash Susan again on Larry Kind on Friday.  That would be truly  unfortunate as the lesson in all of this isn’t about re-igniting an old family fued.  It’s about getting smarter and moving on.  One is a message that I’m deeply dedicated to carrying.  The other seeks to ignite a visible family squabble that doesn’t need to happen..

Speaking about movies….did I call it right on the Hurt Locker?  You bet I did.  The only one of the top prizes hat surprised me was that Clooney lost the best actor nod.  Oh well.

It’s kind of a provocative title to today’s entry, don’t you think?  Me too.

As I may have mentioned – I’m actively training.  That is, I’m getting involved with wrestling here locally in preparation for my “events” that are coming up.  When I tried to get involved a few years ago I got lots of “no” – not because of anything specific or any knowledge about my abilities but because the thought of a 50 year old woman getting involved in a very tough sport just wasn’t something anyone wanted to deal with.

I don’t take “no” very well on things that I’ve set my mind on so I found other ways to do what I needed to do but I haven’t forgotten that.  This time things are a bit different – I’m taking personal “tutoring” from someone locally who has a number of national and world medals and I’ve learned he’s a very good teacher.  It’s one thing to be good at something but a whole other thing to be able to teach it to someone else.

We had our first “lesson” last week and it was clear that he was trying to gauge my abilities just as I was.  Today things got fun.  We spent 20 minutes sparring and it was exactly what I’ve been wanting.  He’s heavier and stronger and better than I am – no comparison – but he seemed to be going at a level of effort that didn’t seem condescending to me but put me in a position where I at least felt competitive.  It was a blast.  I know that doesn’t sound very “lady-like” but I really can’t put it into words well.

One of the more interesting moments came when I did a move that caused all his weight to land on my neck.  My neck/back is my weakest link – it’s always creaking or cracking and full of knots – and as he landed on me I heard one long “crack”.  For a moment I was wondering if I’d still be able to move but to my surprise it actually felt good.  I waited for a couple of hours afterwards to see if things would get worse once I cooled down but still so far so good.  Maybe that’s what my neck needed all along.  Anyway – the next lesson is next week before I head out of town.

This stuff is my crack.  It’s a high – not like being in love or a few other things I can think of – but it’s amazing to me that it’s even possible.  Being able to do something that was an integral part of my self-identify for a long time – now, as myself, at this stage of my life – is one of those things that truly highlights the deeper elements of this unique little journey I’ve been on.  It transcends gender.  It transcends expectations of “masculine” or “feminine”.  It transcends age – people at this stage of life actually choosing this stuff??  Yup.  I don’t care what anyone thinks or how others choose to categorize it.  It’s just really cool for me.

I expect to wake up and be a fairly sore puppy in the morning.  Even though I’m in pretty good shape my body took a pretty good beating today.  I’ve already got some bruises and my neck is still in shock from being landed on but we’ll see.  My biggest fear is getting an elbow to the face or something like that and I’ll just do my best to protect myself.

My coach asked me what my goals for this are.  I’ve already achieved several by simply doing it.  But I explained that in terms of achievement I’d like to join a tournament and win a match.  One match – that’s all.  I did that in 2006 at the Gay Games but I want to do it again.  That’s my goal – nothing outrageous.  The rest of what I want to get out of it – I’m already doing it.

It’s Thursday  morning.  We’re in the middle of a wonderful springtime stretch of weather so the morning drive to work is typically sunny and cool.  Daytime highs fluctuate around the mid 70’s so it’s very pleasant – too bad many of us are inside and don’t have the chance to enjoy it.

I’ve spoken before about my personal ongoing need to identify and pursue challenges in life.  It has always been a major driving factor in my personality that I’ve found to be both a blessing and a curse at times.  One of the things I doubt I’ll ever need to confront is a time where I find myself aimlessly floating through life without new challenges to pursue.  That’s just not my style and for people who are as driven as I am that’s just not something I can even imagine.

I’ve also spoken before that some of those qualities were critical in helping me get thru the most difficult days of my transition.  I’ve long believed that getting thru all the upheaval that a transition can introduce into a life already in mid-flight depends on a number of life skills and qualities that aren’t directly related to the transition itself.  For example, there are needs for flexibility, creativity, drive, discipline, the ability to manage loss and expectations, and any number of other things that you may not even know you have but help to get thru the turbulance that is often involved.

Some of these “challenges” are forced upon us, while others are self-inflicted.

My latest set of self-induced challenges involves the physical, mental, and emotional efforts involved in participating in the 2010 Gay Games in Cologne, Germany.  It’s a combination of two drivers: I’m in excellent physical shape so if there’s ever going to be a time to do it while I can now is the time, and I’ve never been to Europe before.  I don’t want to get into too much detail right now but physically I’m already ahead of where I was at this time in 2006 when I competed in Chicago.

I had a wonderful time earlier this week doing an iChat session on my iMac.  I’ve never used it before but having the video capability to see who you’re talking to and some of the other cool tools are really neat.  I’m not going to mention who I was iChatting with – she knows who she is – but it almost felt like we were sitting across from one another chatting.  Hours passed….

At the end of next week I’ll be heading East for a few days.  Here in Phoenix Keb ‘Mo will be playing on 3/12 and I would have loved to have gone to see him.  But as usual my timing is either great or horrible.  In this case – it’s I’ll miss it.

Last week CNN  announced that they’ll be broadcasting the Susan Stanton documentary next weekend (details here).  Not once, but twice.  They’re actively promoting it starting this week.

I’ve always hoped that this could be used as an opportunity to broaden (or, in some cases, simply start) the discussion and I’m still hopeful in that regard.  The producer of this work has become a good friend and I think hes learned a lot by participating in Susan’s journey.  Expect CNN to have some programming on trans “stuff” next Friday and Saturday before/after these broadcasts and I’ll provide more detail on that when I get it.  Anyway – let’s just say I remain hopeful especially given the fact that NCTE  Lobby Day is that next week and there are hopes that ENDA will see some movement in March….

I’ll be in Pennsylvania attending the Keystone Conference both nights so I’ll need to set my DVR.  I’m looking forward to seeing friends there – the PA community has been wonderful to me since my very first IFGE Conference there in 2003.

Last night I spent some time at the Apple store comparing some video from my various cameras and other input devices.  It was actually kinda fun.  I’ve got the footage on my hard drive and might put it into some format that I can share online this weekend – I hope to have a little time by then.

Gotta go.  I need to get ready for work.

The Oscars happen a week from tonight.  There have been years when I look at the movies that are nominated for the biggest awards and find no personal connection whatsoever with any of them.  I take that more as a statement about me than of the movies as finding that “connection” involves a number of things, perhaps most important of which is even being open to that connection.

This year is totally the opposite.  I’ve got a personal connection with several of the movies that have been nominated.  The Hurt Locker, Up in the Air, Avatar, The Blind Side – I’ve seen several of these more than once already.  Ironically, I’ve seen most of these SINCE Thanksgiving – not before it.

I have a number of predictions.  I think it’s going to be a big night for ‘The Hurt Locker”.  I think Sandra Bullock and George Clooney are going to win the top acting awards.

Since I feel a connection with so many of these movies it’s probably no surprise that there are some key lines in them that I feel, as well.  I wrote about some of them from “Up In The Air” when I saw it in December.  There are similar lines from Avater and The Blind Side.  And I suppose there’s one in particular that stands out from The Hurt Locker.

There’s a scene where this bomb diffuser guy has come back “home” and finds he just doesn’t fit in there anymore.  He’s talking with his baby son – actually, he’s just talking and his son happens to be there – and he explains “The older you get, the fewer the things you really love”.  I don’t know that I agree but I do find the older I get the MORE I love the things I love.  I feel it deeper.

It has been a nice weekend.  Yesterday I stopped by the REI “Garage Sale” on my way to hiking.  A couple of times a year they have a special event for “members” where they sell returned stuff, scratch and dent stuff, and various other things.  Some get into line two or three hours early.  I’ll admit that I’m not that crazy nor is there that much I “need” to do that.  But I did find a pair of running shoes that is (a) my size and (b) my exact show.  I was fitted for what show provides the best combination of flexibility and stability for me a couple of years ago before I started training for the half marathon.  And there they were – 20% of their usual cost.  I snarfed them up…

I am crazy enough, however, to get up at 5 tomorrow so I can get to my early-morning training at the Apple store.  Yeesh.

Some have asked me if my dogs are here with me.  They’re not.  They’re with my son in Austin.  Over the course of travels to here and there over the last 18 months they’ve created quite the bond so they’re with him.  I miss them but my schedule isn’t conducive to their best quality of life.

There are a couple of interesting news stories today:

• Transitions: Jack & Alyssa’s story
• Police get savvy on transgender issues, policies

That’s it for tonight.  Time for bed.

I graduated from Syracuse University in 1981.  I can’t believe that was almost 30 fricken’ years ago.  Sheesh.

I’m watching the Syracuse/Villanova basketball game this evening.  Ever since my years there I don’t know that we’ve ever been ranked #1 in anything other than Lacrosse.  If they win this game – Villanova is ranked #8 – they have that chance.  This game has an electricity that feels like a Final 4 game.  Anyway – my fingers are crossed about the second half.

Some of my favorite memories of going to school at  SU were of going to basketball games there.  The student section was a rowdy sea of craziness – it didn’t really matter who we were playing we had a great time.  Back then we were playing in Manley Fieldhouse which could fit into the Carrier Dome a dozen times over.  The crowd at this game is going nuts.

The scene in Syracuse is white with snow.  Here in Phoenix it was supposed to rain this afternoon but never did – high was 70 degrees.  I dunno – I’m just as happy watching from the warmth of my couch as being there.  I must be getting old.

The hike this morning was wonderful.  We went down to South Mountain and hiked 5 or 6 miles along the desert trails there.  I had never been there before and it was a very pleasant hike.  The neat thing about the Phoenix area is the way that there are untouched desert trails so close by.  Here’s a photo to provide some perspective on how large some of these Saguaro cactus can be.

Feeling small next to a Saguaro Cactus

I stopped by Costco on my way home.  One of the great things about this time of year is that it’s Strawberry season.  I bought a container that had strawberries almost as large as your fist.  And red??  Yumm. 

Cuse up by 17 with 5 minutes to go.  Ya gotta love it.

Update:

Syracuse crushed ‘em.  It was very exciting.

Afterwards I watched the premier showing of a new Bad Company DVD.  It was apparently recorded at the Hard Rock Cafe a couple of years ago and was very well done. After watching what time has done to some of the bands from “those days” (did you see The Who at the Super Bowl???) these guys were still tight and sounded great. These are the songs of my teenage years and it was actually kinda fun to watch and listen.

Good Lovin’ Gone Bad. They just don’t make music like that anymore….

I went to get my passport photo taken today.  My passport doesn’t expire until the end of the year but I’m trying to get this done early.  The good news is that I actually like my passport pics.  I like them better than the one taken ten years ago – go figure.  I had a friend remind me tonight that I’m 51 years old but I sure don’t feel it.  I really don’t.

After work today – I didn’t get out until a bit after 5:30 – I went to the fitness center.  My tummy workout it pretty intense – I did 125 sit-ups an, 180 various oblique sit-ups- and I ran 5 miles on the treadmill in 46 minutes which is a pretty brisk overall pace for me.  By the time I left at 7:30 I was wiped but comfortable.  It set the stage for a nice relaxed dinner with wine.

A friend wrote to me on FB today to remind me that a year ago today I was in San Francisco speaking to her work group about her impending transition.  I can’t believe that was a year ago already.  Sheesh.  I enjoy doing that kind of thing – and I get to meet the coolest people that way.  Anyway – I’m still amazed at how quickly time seems to pass.

My alma-mater Syracuse has a big big basketball game tomorrow.  We play Villanova.  I realize many of the people reading this couldn’t care less but in all my many many years of following sports MY team has only been champion once.  That was Syracuse in 2004.

I kinda sorta wish there was more for me to write about than simply the mundane day-to-day events of my world but there will be a time fairly soon that things will get busy.  Trust me.  Until then I’m actually enjoying the “down” time.  It helps me to focus on things I need to get done.  As odd as this might sound – it’s a balance thing.

I’m going to join a photo competition to get a $40K photography scholarship.  I’m looking forward to getting back to Charleston sometimes soon.  I’ve got a bunch of things coming up that are pretty exciting.  As I say – it’s all part of the balance.

In the short term I’ll be out getting ready to hike by 9 in the morning.  Tomorrow looks to be another beautiful day.  It screams to be enjoyed and I  can hear it.  First, thought, there will be coffee involved,