Inspirational Stuff

I have found a world of "inspiration" to help me through my journey. Some are quotations, or poems, or songs. Some are movies. Some are books. Some are simply memories. 

I will use this space to document and share some of them.

My Father's Ashes

There Is No Spoon

 Quotations    (Some are funny, some are poignant, some are thought provoking....)

"Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable."   H.L Mencken

"Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. "   Williams Jenning Bryan (1860-1925)

"No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made. Destiny is made known silently."   Agnes DeMille

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped on link at a time."   Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not."   Andre Gide

"One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time."   Andre Gide

And if it is a fear you would dispel, the seat of that fear is in your heart and not in the hand of the feared. Verily all things move within your being in constant half embrace, the desired and the dreaded, the repugnant and the cherished, the pursued and that which you would escape. These things move within you as lights and shadows in pairs that cling.   Kalil Gibran in "The Prophet"

 Lyrics (songs or parts of songs that have special meaning to me)

If I could choose a single song as a "Support Anthem" for those of us facing gender issues, this would be the one.  It still gives me goosebumps when I hear it, even after listening to it over and over dozens of times.  I describes the role that each of us plays in this unique struggle, helping others on this unique path, and it helped me through some very difficult days.  I sometimes say that transition is a path best walked alone, together and this song embodies that spirit....

Song:   We Walk The Same Line
Artist:  Everything But The Girl

If you loose your faith, babe, you can have mine,
and if you're lost I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

Now I don't have to tell you
how slow the night can go,
I know you've watched for the light.

And I bet you could tell me
how slowly four follows three,
and you're most forlorn just before dawn.

REFRAIN:
So if you loose your faith babe,
you can have mine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

And I don't need reminding
how loud the phone can ring
when you're waiting for news.

And that big old moon
lights every corner of the room.
Your back aches from lying
and your head aches from crying.

REFRAIN

When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

And if these troubles
should vanish like rain on midday,
well I've no doubt there'll be more.

And we can't run and we can't cheat,
cause babe when we meet
what we're afraid of,
we find out what we're made of.

REFRAIN

When it's dark baby,
there's a light I'll shine,
and if you're lost, I'm right behind,
cause we walk the same line.

  * * * * *

Song: What A Good Boy
Artist: Barenaked Ladies

When I was born, they looked at me and said
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,
what a good girl, what a what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.

We've got these chains that hang around our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,
when temptation calls, we just look away.

I wake up scared, I wake up strange.
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
and everything around me stays the same.

I couldn't tell you that I was wrong,
chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song.
I couldn't tell you that you were right,
so instead I looked in the mirror,
watched TV, laid away all night.

We've got these chains, hang 'round our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls ...

* * * * *

Song: So Far Away
Artist: Staind
(watch the video on VH1)

This is my life
It's not what it was before
All these feelings I've shared
And these dreams
That I'd never lived before
Somebody shake me 'cause I
I must be sleeping

REFRAIN:
Now that we're here, it's so far away
All the struggle we thought was all in vain
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here, it's so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive, and I'm not ashamed
To be the person I am today

These are my words
That I've never said before
I think I'm doing okay
And this smile
That I've never shown before
Somebody shake me 'cause I
I must be sleeping

[REFRAIN]
 
I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please dont shake me

[REFRAIN]

Song: Your Time Is Now
Artist: John Mellencamp
(For some reason I used to listen to this song and get so fired up!)

See the moon roll across the stars
See the seasons turn like a heart
Your father's days are lost to you
This is your time here to do what you will do

CHORUS:
Your life is now your life is now your life is now
In this undiscovered moment
Lift your head up above the crowd
We could shake this world
If you would only show us how
Your life is now

Would you teach your children to tell the truth
Would you take the high road if you could choose
Do you believe you're a victim of a great compromise
'Cause I believe you could change your mind and change our lives

CHORUS

Would you teach your children to tell the truth
This is your time here to do what you will do

CHORUS

Your life is now your life is now your life is now
In this undiscovered moment
Lift your head up above the crowd
We could shake this world
If you would only show us how
Your life is now

For some reason, particular artists just seem to write songs that I easily interpret and apply to the forces at work in a gender transition.  Listening to their music, and their lyrics, energized me at a time when I needed sources for inspiration and strength.  I've listened to these songs dozens and dozens of times...sometimes crying, sometimes pensive, but always inspired.

These probably aren't your typical "inspirational" type songs.  But then again, I never claimed to bey typical....

One of those artists is Sarah McLaughlin.  If I could choose anyone to meet in person, for some reason she'd be near the top of my list.  Her CD "Fumbling Towards Ecstacy" should be required listening for anyone beginning their transition.  Following are some examples:

Song: Hold On
Artist: Sarah McLaughlin

(I picture singing this song upon entering transition, and the man she refers to in the song is my male life....)

Hold on
Hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell.
Hold on
Hold on to yourself.
You know that only time can tell
What is it in me that refuses to believe
this isn't easier than the real thing.
My love, you know that you're my best friend.
You know that I'd do anything for you
and my love
let nothing come between us
my love for you is strong and true.
Am I in heaven here or am I...
At the crossroads I am standing.
Oh god
if you're out there won't you hear me.
I know we're never talked before
and oh god the man I love is leaving
won't you take him when he comes to your door.
Am I in heaven here or
am I in hell
at the crossroads I am standing.
Hold on
hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell.

* * * * *

Another artist that has always inspired me is RUSH . The first time I saw Rush live was 1978, and I've seen them a dozen times over the years since then.  The beauty of their songs is in the fact that their lyrics are very spiritual, and at a time in my journey when I needed some spiritual grounding I felt particulary empowered by their songs.  (following are a few examples)

Song: Time Stand Still
Artist: Rush

I turn my back to the wind
To catch my breath
Before I start off again.
Driven on without a moment to spend
To pass an evening with a drink and a friend

I let my skin get too thin
I'd like to pause
No matter what I pretend
Like some pilgrim
Who learns to transcend
Learns to live as if each step was the end

(Time stand still)
I'm not looking back
But I want to look around me now
(Time stand still)
See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Experience slips away

I turn my face to the sun
Close my eyes
Let my defences down
All those wounds that I can't get unwound

I let my past go too fast
No time to pause
If I could slow it all down
Like some captain, whose ship runs aground
I can wait until the tide comes around

(Time stand still)
I'm not looking back
But I want to look around me now
(Time stand still)
See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each impression a little bit stronger
Freeze this motion a little bit longer
The innocence slips away
The innocence slips away...

Summer's going fast, nights growing colder
Children growing up, old friends growing older
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each impression a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Experience slips away...
The innocence slips away

Song: Freewill
Artist: Rush

There are those who think that life has nothing left to chance
A host of holy horrors to direct our aimless dance

A planet of play things
We dance on the strings
Of powers we cannot perceive
'The stars aren't aligned
Or the gods are malign...'
Blame is better to give than receive

[Chorus:]
You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that's clear
I will choose freewill

There are those who think
That they were dealt a losing hand
The cards were stacked against them
They weren't born in Lotusland

All preordained
A prisoner in chains
A victim of venomous fate
Kicked in the face
You can't pray for a place
In heaven's unearthly estate

[Chorus]

Each of us
A cell of awareness
Imperfect and incomplete
Genetic blends
With uncertain ends
On a fortune hunt that's far too fleet

[Chorus]

Song: Different Strings
Artist: Rush

All there really is
The two of us
And we both know why we've come along
Nothing to explain
It's a part of us
To be found within a song

What happened to our innocence
Did it go out of style?
Along with our naivete
No longer a child
Different eyes see different things
Different hearts beat on different strings
But there are times
For you and me, when all such things agree

* * * * *

Another artist that has always inspired me is SEAL. (here are just a couple of examples...)

Song: Don't Cry
Artist: Seal

When we were young,
And truth was paramount.
We were older then,
And we lived our life without any doubt.
Those memories,
They seem so long ago.
What's become of them? When you feel like me I want you to know.
Don't cry.  You're not alone.
Don't cry, Tonight, my baby.
Don't cry, You'll always be loved.
Don't cry, Tonight.  My baby.
Today I dreamed,
Of friends I had before.
And I wonder why.
The ones who care don't call anymore.
My feelings hurt.
But you know I overcome the pain.
And I'm stronger now,
There can't be a fire unless there's a flame.
Don't cry.  You're not alone.
Don't cry, Tonight, my baby.
Don't cry.  You'll always be loved.
Don't cry oh...
Limousines and sycophants,
Don't leave me now,
Cause I'm afraid what you've done to me.
Is now the wolf.
In my bed,
In my head.
In my head.
In my head.
The challenges, we took were hard enough.
They get harder now.
Even when we think that we've had enough.
Don't feel alone,
Cause it's I you understand.
I'm your sedative,
Take a piece of me whenever you can.
Don't cry.... you're not alone.
...don't be so hard on yourself...
Don't cry.... tonight my baby
...Those tears are for.....someone else...
Don't cry.... you'll always be loved
...I hear your voice on the phone...
Don't cry.... tonight sweet baby
...I hear you feel... so alone.
Don't cry... don't cry... don't cry... don't you cry...
Cry... Don't cry...
Cause you still be loved
Don't cry
Don't cry tonight
Ohh..

Song: Newborn Friend
Artist: Seal

I wash my faith in dirty water,
Cause it gives my mind a little order.
And I play that game, just like I should do.
But my whole world, slips away.
I live my life, I live it slowly.
And I take my time, I'm in no hurry, yea... I'm livin'...
And when I go then I would surely.
I would dance with a total stranger,
And hold them in my arms.
Hell, there could be no danger if I open up,
Cause when the cryin' starts so,
If I chant for happiness,
Maybe that will make me feel better
I can't change my ideals, I can't lose my desire
Ohh, if I chant for happiness maybe that will make me feel better
I'd be a newborn friend for the world.
Well I wash my face in dirty water.
For life I have no order.
Cause I,
Know that feeling when you've tried so hard to make your way out,
Nothing mends.
So you search for the breed of the problems there lying,
Deep down in the soul.
Even if, they never end,
There's a whole bunch of reasons, tryin' to get out
But they can't make it out of the door.
Ohh, I know the reason,
I'm not enough.
There's nothing more... But,
If I chant for happiness, maybe that will make me feel better.
I can't changes my ideals, I can't put out the fire.
Ohh, if I chant for happiness, maybe that will bring us together,
For the better...
I can't changes my ideals, I can't lose my desire.
I'm just a newborn friend for the world...

Song: Killer
Artist: Seal

It's the loneliness thats the killer
So you want
To be free
To live your life
The way you want to be
Will you give
If we cry
Will we live
Or will we die
Jaded hearts
Heal with time
Shoot that love
So we can
Stop the bleeding
Solitary brother
Is there still a part of you that wants to live
Solitary sister
Is there still a part of you that wants to give
Solitary brother
Is there still a part of you that wants to live
Solitary sister
Is there still a part of you that wants to give
If we try
And live our lives
The way we wanna be
Yeah
Brother brother
Sister sister

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